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jokes of the day:
Simple Mathematics:
Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have
certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am
otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you
will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my
18-year old secretary. I'll be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed
letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year
old pool boy. Since you are an accountant, you will
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes
into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife
Whorehouse in Anchorage:
A Texan walked into a whorehouse in Anchorage and asked, "Do you have a girl here from Texas named Arlene?" "Sure do," said the madam. "Go on up to Room 6."
The Texan went up to Room 6 and knocked on the door. When the woman answered it, he asked "Are you Arlene from Texas?"
"I sure am," she replied.
"Well, I got two hundred dollars," he proudly said.
The hooker grabbed him by the shirt and dragged him into the room. After they had thrashed around on the mattress for a half an hour, the Texan got up to leave. "Will you be here tomorrow?" he asked.
"Sure," Arlene said, "I'll be here."
The next night, the Texan came back and went up to Room 6. Another two hundred dollars, another hour of horizontal aerobics. When they were done, the Texan was sitting on the side of the bed and he asked, "Will you be here tomorrow night?"
"Honey," she said, "I'll be here every night for you."
The next night, the Texan came back again. Same thing: two hundred dollars, the best sex of his life. When they were done, they were both sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Say," Arlene said, "what part of Texas you from?"
"I'm from Dallas," the Texan says, with a big grin.
"Well, I got a sister in Dallas!" the hooker cries.
"I know it," the Texan says, "and she gave me six hundred dollars to give to you!"
Force a man to do sit-ups:
Q: What is the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes.
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