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jokes of the day:
Generous Offers:
John and his wife Mary were having a shower together in their upstairs bathroom when the doorbell rang. Mary heard the bell, got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around her, went downstairs, and opened the door.
Their neighbor Charlie looked at her from the doorway, and said, "Oh. I see that I got you out of the shower. Sorry about that."
"That's all right," Mary said, "What do you want?"
Not too much... my goodness you have beautiful skin. It's so pink from the shower. Mary, if I was to give you a hundred dollars, would you remove the towel from your upper body?"
Mary thought about it for a minute, figured why not, for a hundred bucks, and removed the towel from her breasts.
"Wow," Charlie exclaimed, "they are truly beautiful. Listen, for another hundred bucks would you consider taking the towel all the way off?"
"Why not," Mary thought, "that's a lot of money," and she dropped the towel completely to the floor.
Charlie had a good look, complimented her again on her fine looking body, reached into his pocket, took out two hundred dollars, gave it to her, and left.
As she got back up stairs and was getting back into the shower, John asked her who was at the door.
"Just Charlie," she said, as she started to rub his back.
"Charlie Eh," said John, "Did he give you the two hundred dollars he owed me?"
* * *
Big Tits Is Everything:
The other day, while I was seeing my shrink, he asked me what I looked for in a woman.
Naturally I replied, "Big tits."
He said, "No, I meant for a serious relationship."
So I said, "Oh, seriously big tits."
"No, no, no. I mean what do you look for in the one woman you want to spend the rest of your life with?"
He looked at me kind of worried as I just sat there on his couch laughing until my gut hurt. "Spend the rest of my life with one woman? No woman's tits are that big."
* * *
Afraid Of Bees:
A fellow was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that ifonebee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.
The city fellow looked up and weakly said, "No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?"
* * *
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