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jokes of the day:
Your Husband Lost Five Hundred Dollars at Poker:
Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a
single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.
Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five
complete their playing time standing up.
One of the men looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to
tell the wife?"
They draw straws. Steve, who is always a loser, picks the
short one.
They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad
situation any worse than it is.
"Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will
ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me."
Steve walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the
wife answers, asks what he wants.
Steve says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards."
She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!"
Steve replies, "I'll tell him."
. . .
Scale:
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you
your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small,
white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
. . .
Afraid Of Bees:
A fellow was in the market to buy some acreage. He found just what he was looking for, but it was a little expensive. During an inspection of the property, however, he found a hive of bees.
He told the owner that he was deathly afraid of bees and there was no way he could consider this piece of land. The landowner assured him that the bees were completely harmless, but the buyer would have no part of it.
Finally, the landowner made an offer. The buyer would allow himself to be tied to a tree for an hour, nude, under the nest. So sure of the friendliness of his bees was the farmer that ifonebee were to sting him, the farm would be his for free. The buyer thought it over and decided it was worth the risk.
An hour later, the farmer walked out to the tree and saw the poor buyer slumped over in his bindings. Fearing the worst, he ran up to him and asked him if he had been stung.
The city fellow looked up and weakly said, "No, but doesn't that calf have a mother?"
. . .
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