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jokes of the day:
Scale:
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you
your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small,
white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a
great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
---
When the Fly Goes Down Three Inches:There is a fish in a lake watching a fly 3 inches above the
water. The fish thinks if that fly goes down three inches
I'll get it.
Meanwhile on the bank a bear is watching the fish and the
fly and thinks, if that fly goes down three inches the fish
will jump for the fly and I'll get the fish.
While behind the bear on a hill a hunter is watching
everything and thinks that if that fly goes down three
inches, the fish will jump for the fly, and the bear will go
for the fish, and I'll shoot the bear.
Behind the hunter though, is a mouse. The mouse thinks that
if the fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly,
the bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, and
I'll get the hunter's cheese.
Now stalking the mouse is a cat, the cat thinks that if the
fly goes down three inches the fish will get the fly, the
bear will get the fish, the hunter will get the bear, the
mouse will get the hunter's cheese and I'll get the mouse...
So the fly goes down three inches and the fish gets the fly,
the bear gets the fish, the hunter gets the bear, the mouse
gets the cheese, but the cat misses the mouse and falls into
the water and drowns.
The moral of the story is for every fly that goes down three
inches there is a wet pussy.
---
Simple Mathematics:Dear Wife:
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have
certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am
otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you
will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you
receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my
18-year old secretary. I'll be home before midnight.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed
letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband:
You, too, are 54 years old and by the time you receive this
letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year
old pool boy. Since you are an accountant, you will
appreciate that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes
into 18. Therefore don't wait up.
Your Wife
---
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